Tuesday, 13 January 2015

(Un-)Settling


This year has the potential to become very exciting for me. Conditional on a few things working out (such as, being made permanent in my job, getting a mortgage etc), I might actually buy my own place in 2015. It'll be step one of the Plan with a capital P, steps two and three being working from home and opening a bird sanctuary.

It also means that I might actually become settled for the first time in my adult life. As a child, I was settled; I grew up in a very stable environment, in my parents' house and in the same old town, which I only left as a university student. But even when I was little I kept dreaming of new places, and my adult life has been spent pretty much all over the place – four different countries, with five international moves in ten years. I've moved house 13 times in the last ten years.

I've never stayed in one place for longer than four years – that was the record, but the average is much lower. In fact, I never stayed in one COUNTRY for more than a few years, either. I guess you could call me the dyed-in-the-wool rolling stone. It was as if I had this inner alarm clock that went off every two years or so, and then I had to move.

This started to change when I returned to Ireland ten years ago. It's the place where I feel at home. But I still moved around, most often to follow a new job and sometimes to pay a lower rent, but the fact remains, I moved.

And now I'm looking to settle down.

It feels right and I believe it's time (I'll be 45 next month, after all!). Thinking of my own place fills me with a warm, fierce love – and also with all sorts of doubt and fears. When I think of it long enough, I downright panic. Oh I realise it doesn't have to be the last move I ever make. Plenty of people sell their first home and move somewhere else, and while I'm not planning on doing that, it might happen.

However, there's also the very real possibility that this will be it. The place. The place where I'll spend the rest of my hagish life, surrounded by birds and hopefully some nature as well. The place where I'll finally put down roots, befriend the earth and local spirits for the last time, become one with the elements of the place. The place I'd spill blood to protect – mine or somebody else's - to my last breath.

It's exactly what I want, but to say it's scary is a vast understatement. And this is what I need to integrate now, this completely new notion of... of... all together now: permanence. I will need to approach it one step at a time, gently, lest I lose my nerve and turn to run the other way. But I intend to see it through. I know it's right. And it's what I'm evolving into, although the end result will be a somewhat different hag.


Exciting times indeed!

If you feel called to it, please leave a comment below. It will be visible after approval and I respond to every comment, so please check back later!

Tuesday, 6 January 2015

Stalked By The Empress


Some time ago, I did a Tarot spread and the card in the place of where I was going, the future, was the Empress. I almost found it hard to believe that the abundance, connection, beauty, and ease of the Empress could ever be my own.

Thinking about it today, I believe I’ve realised part of it already – I have my Coaching business which is my heart and soul work, and I really can’t think of anything I’d find more inspiring than seeing people grow and thrive, and being part of the process. I also have a decent daytime job and am that much closer to realising my dream of my own place and bird sanctuary.

If you’ve followed my blog for a while, you’ll probably know that I sometimes just pull a Tarot card as a quick answer to a particular question. Of course, it’s less detailed and differentiated than a full spread, but it can be surprisingly insightful at times. A couple of days ago, I felt a little listless and worried about the future – something that isn’t at all typical of me – and I asked the question what 2015 would hold for me.

I shuffled, I cut (3 times), I turned over the top card. No prizes for guessing which one it was!

I do love that this is happening in my life. And the assurance of the Empress has nudged me on to think about my business and taking it to the next level. I get this “itch” every now and then, and then usually changes follow! Remember two years ago when I moved my website to this provider? You never know, something similar might be happening again.

It’s so important for me to keep moving and keep going. It’s one of my most fundamental beliefs: that life is ever-changing, ever-evolving. Note that it doesn’t mean to be unable to enjoy the moment; in fact, life consists of nothing other than a series of moments, and each present moment is the only one which exists. However, we move from moment to moment, and we dream every next moment before we arrive in it. It’s how it all manifests, and we may as well utilise the process and CONSCIOUSLY create.

See, that’s why my religion and my magic are so similar to my work as a Coach. The underlying principles are the same, except that one of them is seen and used in a secular context.

The Moon was full last night. She lit my way when I drove to work in the dark this morning. There’s such promise of fulfilment in the first Full Moon of a year

Surely I can’t be the only one who feels this irresistible energy of growth and progress? How about you?

If you feel called to it, please leave a comment below. It will be visible after approval and I respond to every comment, so please check back later!

Thursday, 11 December 2014

Our Way Is The Secret Way


The darker it gets, the more impact has the light. These days when I leave the house in the morning, it’s still pitch dark, but at the current phase of the moon, She is there in the black sky, unfailingly guiding me and providing her mysterious indirect light.

I’m never more aware of the moon than I am during the Dark Weeks. She’s such a comfort, especially now in the shape of the Crone who teaches us not to be heroes, not to do great deeds, but only to endure. It’s a much-underrated skill, to endure.

There are reasons why I chose to begin the yearly “13 Moons” ecourse for women in the winter. It makes for such a lovely journey, starting in the dark with Her as the only light, and then going towards and through the bright seasons, only to go full circle then back into the night.

Quite a few women have done the course by now, and the feedback I get most often is that the women enjoy to be DOING things, rather than just reading about them. I use one moon goddess per moon cycle, not one each week, because that might be fancy and tickle your mind, it wouldn’t change you the way regular meditations, walks in nature, attuning to the moon and Her phases, self care and crafting will do. This course is about getting in touch with your deep inner sacredness, your core as a woman, and that can never be accomplished by just reading.

The course is open for sign-up, btw! It’s going to start on the 5th of January, on the full moon. I hope many are going to join for a memorable journey through the year, together.

Sometimes I wonder if November/December could be the “witchiest” time of the year? There is so much time for reflection, evaluation, introspection, as well as planning for the future. I do an awful lot of hibernation these days, I almost feel bad about it. Thank the gods I’ve got my Coaching clients to keep me connected and communicating. They inspire me endlessly. It’s such a privilege to be part of their journeys too.

Maybe a time of darkness is also a time of secrets. My friend Kristian shared something so beautiful on his Facebook page today, I feel compelled to share it, and I’ll close this entry with it. It’s a quote by Jack Parsons:

"We are the Witchcraft. We are the oldest organisation in the world. When man was first born, we were. We sang the first cradle song. We healed the first wound, we comforted the first terror. We were the Guardians against the Darkness, the Helpers on the Left Hand Side.

We are on the side of man, of life and of the individual. Therefore we are against religion, morality and government. Therefore our name is Lucifer.

We are on the side of freedom, of love, of joy and laughter and divine drunkenness. Therefore our name is Babylon.

Sometimes we move openly, sometimes in silence and in secret. Night and day are one to us, calm and storm, seasons and the cycles of man, all these things are one, for we are at the roots. Supplicant we stand before the Powers of Life and Death, and are heard of these powers and avail. Our way is the secret way, the unknown direction. Ours is the way of the serpent in the underbrush, our knowledge is in the eyes of goats and of women."

Monday, 1 December 2014

The Dark Weeks And The Deep Inner Life


How do you turn the inside out? It’s not like nothing is happening at the moment, it’s just that most of it happens deep inside so I’m finding it hard to blog about it. It’s the time of the year, the Dark Weeks, like the world is holding its breath for the arrival of the Solstice and the return of the light. I’m all entangled in that energy and don’t do much at all – lots of time for myself, staying at home with my budgies, reading or gaming, but oh how rich is the life underneath the surface.

I had a week and a half off work in November, and it was a “holiday in World of Warcraft” for me – the new expansion had just dropped and it’s beautiful (the picture above is a screenshot from one of the gorgeous new areas in the game), and so I spent a lot of time online with my gaming friends, some of whom I’m very close to. It was great and just the amount of contact I needed!

The rest of my time off was spent in planning, dreaming, and taking stock of my life. It was a sometimes painful process with all sorts of emotions coming up. I cried, I laughed, I sat in meditation, I danced. And all along I wove the threads into the tapestry of my life. I caught a glimpse of the future, too.

Too much waffling? Well all right, here are the results:

I have affirmed once again that even with a good day-time job in a decent company, my goal is and remains to work from home in the foreseeable future. My deadline for this goal is summer 2016, but if it should be possible earlier, I’ll do it. And no, I have no idea whether it’ll be in my current job or another one, I just know that this is where I want to go.

It makes sense when you consider that I’ll have a bird sanctuary and will have to be there, to drop in for a few minutes during lunch to check on a sick bird or simply keep him company. It’ll also eliminate any commute, so as soon as I finish work I’ll be THERE and with my birds. I used to work from home for 5 years a while ago, and I know I’m well suited for it and have the discipline required, as well as a fully-equipped home office.

I’ve also outlined the structure of the bird sanctuary. I’m going to have to register as a charity (don’t know the details of that just yet, but I’ll find out) and take donations. I’m planning an absolutely revolutionary system where I actually publish the sanctuary’s bank statements on a website every month and tell everyone who donates, exactly what happened with their money. There will be options for once-off donations starting at 5 bucks all the way to “adopting” a bird for 10 EUR a month. I can practically see the website in front of me, hurray for creative visualisation!

I’ve also seen the future of Gentle Miracles Coaching. It’s on a good path, and the main thing is to keep investing my energy and love into my newsletter and the work with my clients, and listen, truly listen to what they have to say and where they need support.

These are just the milestones. I’ve outlined my plans for health, exercise, the way a typical weekday will look like, and much more. I spent time telling my budgies about this future, and how wonderful it’ll be, and they listened attentively, all fluffed up and comfortable – I believe they know I’m promising them this future and that they can count on me.

Seen from the outside, none of the above looks very exciting, does it? But there is so much going on underneath in these Dark Weeks.

Friday, 7 November 2014

The Liquid Silver Of Twilight

                                   

Dread Pirate Sibylle, at the office Hallowe'en event!

After the clocks were changed back from Daylight Savings two weeks ago, I got to drive home from work in the twilight a couple times. I LOVE twilight, it’s this indirect, hazy glow that seems to make everything possible. It also turns any water into what looks like liquid silver, be it a river, a lake, or the sea I drive past every day just before I get home. Absolutely magical.

I’ve always thought the light in Ireland to be so very special. We get a good deal of bad weather but to tell the truth, it’s often in the indirect light of the sun behind clouds that makes the Irish landscape look particularly enchanting. It’s one of the things which make things a little better for me during the cold season, which is mostly misery otherwise because I’m always, always cold in the unheated houses I’ve lived in so far.

Twilight is my favourite time of the day. When I still lived in Austria, it was the time when I’d go out to walk in the fields and by the Danube. It’s the time when I do most of my magic as it’s so much easier to get into that special state of mind, or even into a trance. It’s easy to see why folk tales and superstitions always seem to regard “in-between” times and places as particularly magical (or, in some cases, dangerous). Twilight is the time between day and night, midnight the time between one day and the next (“Witching Hour”), windows and thresholds are the places between inside and outside and got particular magical protection as well as being part of customs like the groom carrying the bride across the threshold the first time they enter the house.

I guess the in-between has this inherent nature of change, the linking moment or place which is always the weakest part of the chain. It’s the part where you might stumble, where things might find an entry which are usually kept out.

Incidentally, all the excitement and superstition around Hallowe’en has the same roots, at least around here where there used to be only two recognised seasons, the summer and the winter season. The 31st of October and the 1st of November are the “threshold” between summer and winter, and voila! The “veil between the worlds” is thinnest at that time, making it easier to commune with our ancestors and also making it easier for fairies and other entities of the spirit world to enter ours. At Bealtaine, the threshold between winter and summer, a similar thing happens: the night of 30th April is called “Witches’ Night” in some cultures – in Germany it’s the night when witches and demons and of course, the devil (these beliefs have long been coloured by the predominant Christian beliefs of the last millennia) dance and celebrate on a mountain called the Brocken.

And now we’re in the dark weeks of the year, which to me always feels a bit like a standstill, with nature going into its winter sleep and the days getting darker, until the rebirth of the light at the Solstice. I’ll do a lot of quiet and contemplative things in the next weeks, and I’ll spend a lot of time at home – if only to play WoW, because a new expansion will drop next week! But I’ll also do much meditation and spiritual work, on top of my Coaching and Teaching, of course.

Speaking of which, the next “13 Moons – A Goddess Journey Through The Year” e-course for women is drawing near! I’ve opened sign-ups this week, take a look. There’s also a convenient payment plan available if you don’t have all the cash at once. All in all, it’s very good value for a year-long course. Those who have taken it say it’s a great way to attune yourself to the cycles of the moon and the seasons, and living more in harmony with the world around ourselves, as well as our own divine femininity.